My husband has just finished working an 87 hour work week. That means in the past 10 days he has worked 116 hours. Average full tie employees work 35-40 hours a week. Needless to say, my sweetheart is worn out.
When his shift ended this morning he drove home, snuggled the kids for a few minutes, sang with Missouri, talked Transformers with Indie and kissed me. He wraps the gift (the present I said I was going to take care of last) and then, home for maybe 10 minutes, he bundled back up, drove forty-five minutes to drop of a gift to the autism house ... Why? Because he said he would.
When he got home, having been up and worked overnight, he did the Advent calender with the States, then Christmas countdown radio, we had breakfast and he sit with me for a cup of coffee. He talked to Mojo about her Rudolph book that she made at school and then when he practically drags himself to bed, he invites the States to come snuggle and talk with him before he falls asleep. And then, while being what he calls, "P'rrt near dead," he then took some extra time to watch 3 Stooges with Indie. Doug did all of this, because he loves his family. Doug will do whatever he can to provide whatever his family needs.
I could write for days and still not run out of times and circumstances here where Doug has flawlessly shown this type selflessness, kindness, joy, thankfulness, goodness, self control and unconditional love. Doug, to put it simply, is just a good guy. And normally, I don't share these precious details about my husband and my life, because: 1. Doug doesn't like the attention. And 2. Doug doesn't need compliments. He does what is right, regardless of gain, simply because he was told to love others. You and I were told to do this too, but Doug actually does it. Consistently. He feels blessed to have this family, so while his family depends on him, he will do whatever it takes to make sure we are not only loved, but so deeply cared for.
Side note and example: The last time Doug worked this 87 hour in a week he came home and asked if we could order a pizza. He didn't ask it for himself, rather, he asked for me. He knew with him working so much I had felt like a ":single mom" and because his Mom was a single mom he is thoughtful. He said, "You probably need a night off." He then asked if I wanted to go out with my friends after the kiddos went to bed. "You need to go see your friends. Go. Have fun, Wifey." So thoughtful, and I am pleased to report that I did get to spend time with a great friend that night. Doug and I put on comfy clothes and watched the History Channel. He had a beer. I had a glass of sangria. We laughed and learned and then made fart jokes. It was a great night with a precious friend that I don't get to spend enough time with.
So who is this amazing Douglas and where can you find one?! Doug is just Doug. He is precious and rare and I cherish him more than my feeble words could express.
Doug didn't come from great means. His family was poor, his father was normally absent and his mother worked like a mule to provided for her three boys. Doug learned early that it doesn't matter what you do as long as your do it well - And if you can't do it well - At least, just do your job. He has held and had a vast array of jobs and titles and he does each with determination and grit. He has given up good jobs for better opportunities and he has looked over pretty stellar stature for what works better for our family. He learns new skills, gives up comforts and does whatever is needed to ensure he has a way to provide. Doug works hard. He gets his work ethic from his Mother, Patty.
Doug doesn't always feel amazing either. We have been through countless doctors and one nasty back surgery. I have seen him physically shaking from pain. I know he still hurts sometimes. He has plenty of reason to make great excuses, but the point is that he doesn't. He does what he is asked to do, until he is physically hindered from doing it. And then he when he has to stop that - He will find another way. He has dealt with unimaginable mental hang ups and lots of hurts from his past. He handles it all with gumption and grace. He pushes on, even when it doesn't make sense. He's resolve is absolute. I suppose he got that stubbornness from his Father, Howard.
And you know what, friends? Doug doesn't have to do any of this. He didn't have to work all the overtime, but he knew if he would God would use those overtime dollars for something awesome. That's right. Doug is using his overtime money - giving it away- to help another family member who hurts.Why? Because Doug knows that is what is right and then, AND THEN, he actually does it! He is faithful. He is kind. He doesn't like to boast. He does not like to hurt others and he will not just sit around while others around him hurt. He does not do any of this for himself. He does all of this because he loves. And Doug loves, because God loved him first. He knows he has a shady past. He knows he has hang ups and hurts. He knows he will stumble and crash again, but he also knows, above all, God is a God who restores. He knows God provided a way out, before we ever even got ourselves into a mess. Doug knows this because he reads his Bible every day. He studies and shows himself approved. He knows God because he talks to God all day. He prays without ceasing with all kinds of prayers and with thanksgiving. Doug believes. Even when answers aren't easy or even there - Doug does what is right, because that is what was asked of him.
I hear, often, that my husband is "just a good guy." He is. He is a great guy. I try not to brag on his kindness and faithfulness, because I know all that fluff and attention annoy him. Doug is what I like to call a delightful introvert. And if I know anything about introverts, it's that you cannot make them extroverts. That kind of attention is like nails on a chalkboard. (Honestly, I kinda envy the ladies who can put sappy status updates about their husbands ... Sure, I know I
can do that, but choose
not to do that
, because I know it makes him uncomfortable.) He doesn't want or need the attention. He does what is right, because he knows it matters. And he also knows that it doesn't matter what others think of him - Not as long as he is doing what God told him to do.
That is the person I married. And I am sharing this with you, not to make my husband uncomfortable, or to brag, but because you need to hear it. There is a lot of bad news going around. I wanted to share this with you because you need to know that there are still good people out here. People who do what is right. People who help. People that choose to do good things.
And oh my goodness, yes - YES, we are all terrible humans and we all sin and all make terrible choices. We are all capable of such hurt and such unthinkable horror, but there are people who
choose to help. There are people who choose to do what's right, regardless of the reward or the sacrifice. There are people, who regardless of their past or what might happen in the future, they choose to do what is right.
Doug is one of those guys. My parents are these type of people. My deacon from church is precious like this too. And so is my Twin, Thomas. And my best friends - They are these childlike believers. People who choose to help.
Fred Rogers said, "When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, 'Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.'"
If you don't know anyone, personally, who acts like this - Think of Mr. Rogers. He was just a good guy. Stop watching the news and watch Mr. Rogers.
It sounds childlike to try and be cheerful and hopeful during such hurts and horror, but I feel we believers were called to be peculiar people of childlike faith. We are to be light in dark places. We are to add flavor to this life that is oh so bland and real scary. That is what we are supposed to do. That is what is right.
Look for helpers and hope. Seek peace. Pursue good things. Love others, and don't wonder off - despite the fact we are all prone to wonder. Surround yourself with helpers and hope and people like Doug - People who do what's right. Learn from your mistakes. Forgive others of theirs. Do this and then while you are still learning to do this: Invite others on the field trip.
Field trips. Ha. On one home school co-op field trip I got left behind in a creepy taxidermy wing of this very huge museum. True story. I was scared and covered my eyes. And because I couldn't see, I walked slowly, and because I was slow, I got left behind. I was told, originally that, "If you get lost, stay put. Someone will come for you." So upon realizing my group had left, I sat down, defeated and scared ... beside a stuffed boar. The lights were on a timer, but the jungle soundtrack with random animals sounds were not. So I stayed there, alone, in the dark, listening to animal sounds on a loop. The creepy animals, who were sorta dimly lit by the red lights from the EXIT sign, began to look more and more like my worst nightmare. I was frozen in fear, clutching the wee plush bear, Betty, my Mom made out of a sock. Eventually, a staff member found me, in a practical tear puddle, on the floor beside, the boar. She scoped me up and returned me to my group. Later that day, I got a Happy Meal. It had a cheap plastic toy caveman girl with green hair. She became my token of, "You can do this." I considered it a good day.
(But I am still terrified of taxidermy.)
Friends, sometimes field trips don't go as planned. Things get scary, we make dumb choices, we get scared and sometimes.. Sometimes, people do horrible and mean things. You know this already, so now hear this: Do to what you were told. Do what is right. In field trips and in life, surround yourself with good people. Find a buddy, and stay close to your group, especially when you are scared. Learn about the people in your group. Watch out for them. Get them help if they need it. Let them help you if you need it. And then find others and invite them in. Do what you were told. Be kind. Love each other. Look for the good in people. Believe. Be patient and remember help is on the way.
